faux

2012-02-19T03:21:00.000+08:00

"I try to hold on to my memory of seeing you
I ask myself whether there’s a chance but reality cruelly responds to me saying there’s none"

2011-12-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

"Two a.m.” He swallowed, then said, “You know. The person you can call at two a.m. and, no matter what, you can count on them. Even if they’re asleep or it’s cold or you need to be bailed out jail… they’ll come for you. It’s, like, the highest level of friendship."

— Dave in What Happened to Goodbye (Sarah Dessen)

2011-11-27T02:04:00.001+08:00

There are some things about myself I can’t explain to anyone. There are some things I don’t understand at all. I can’t tell what I think about things or what I’m after. I don’t know what my strengths are or what I’m supposed to do about them. But if I start thinking about these things in too much detail the whole thing gets scary. And if I get scared I can only think about myself. I become really self-centered, and without meaning to, I hurt people. So I’m not such a wonderful human being. —Haruki Murakami

I've been feeling out of sorts lately. Like someone took my brain out and dissembled it and now that it's back in my head it doesn't feel right. Some pieces went missing, I suppose. I guess when you experience a certain kind of high that you never ever felt before for a period of time you'll get reduced to a mental wreck when it gets taken away from you. I don't blame anyone, I got too ahead of myself even though I myself knew that it was never going to happen. All of my friends warned me not to, told me to cut it off, but I didn't because like I said, I've never felt so happy in my life before. Even though it probably never meant anything to

Always

2011-10-27T04:39:00.000+08:00

There is a heaviness in my heart and it won't go away.
It will never go away.

Happy birthday love

2011-10-26T01:20:00.000+08:00

(kisses to Sabby for the pictures mwah)
The baby of the group finally turns 18! I am so glad the four of us are meeting each other more often now. The celebration was a small one, but we hope you enjoyed yourself nonetheless. So many plans to look forward to and I can't wait to tick them off the list one by one. Keep your chin up and be happy always x

2011-10-16T00:15:00.000+08:00

'cause I don't want to be alone when I'm in this state///////////
///////////I need an airbag before I crash into the colossal sadness that is coming my way.

A crumbling fool.

2011-10-03T00:22:00.000+08:00

I keep on trying
fighting these feelings away
but the more I do
the crazier I turn into.

Say hi to lovely day

2011-09-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

Town + Chinatown + Tom n Toms
Day well spent with my favourite girlies.

I'll buy you a diamond if you want me to.

2011-09-27T11:59:00.000+08:00

i'll cry with you honey if you need me to / i'll dry your tears / dry your tears for you /
there is no crime / there is no crime / and you and i were meant to live our dreams
so be very kind / don't let the world fall on your shoulders /
if so... oh hopefully i would find you /
i would find you

Hermès x Vans

2011-09-22T09:57:00.001+08:00

Ok, it's 9:46 in the morning and the weather is lovely, just lovely, raining so heavily and I feel nothing but comforting coldness and people are complaining about wanting to go back under the covers to sleep but here I am draped in my thick blanket up to my neck checking these babies out and sadly adding them to my never ending want list and depressingly hoping that a miracle would happen where TADAAA HAVE SOME MONEY! LOVE, THE SKY

"Your head is a living forest full of song birds."

2011-09-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt the kind of sadness where you just want to curl up on your bed, wear nothing, do nothing, and the only thing you can do is to close your eyes and try to breathe? The kind of sadness which makes your chest throb and head void of anything—so empty, so empty. Voices in your head tell you to move, do something, anything, finish your work, eat, but your body refuses to. It won't listen. Nothing goes in. Nobody deserves to go through that kind of sadness. Nobody deserves to feel empty.

My bitter heart is getting just a little fragile

2011-09-16T03:13:00.001+08:00

2011-09-14T18:47:00.000+08:00

xxx

(via I READ INTO THINGS)

Welcome back, insecurities

2011-09-01T03:13:00.002+08:00

I haven't dared to go anywhere near the weighing scale recently, much less weigh my stealthily growing fatter and fatter self. My appetite has been crazy huge these days and it's scaring me because I don't think I've ever eaten this much ever. It's insane. But I love sushi so much and the makan session with the girls yesterday was just so goooood yuuum. No regrets. Okay, maybe just a little. I should stop. But foooooooooddddd. I cannot do without you (sadface).

Maybe I'm dreaming of you

2011-08-29T01:57:00.000+08:00

Thursday night with the girls at Tom n Toms Coffee. Gorgeous ambience, minimal noise level, nice food and lovely coffee. What could possibly go wrong with Cinnamon Chocolate, honey butter toast and pretzels peppered with cinnamon? Yeah, nothiiing. If you haven't noticed, I love love love anything cinnamon. I was so sad when Coffee Bean removed Cinnamon frappé off their menu. I don't frequent the place as much now. But it's okay, I think I've found my replacement.

Met M and LY yesterday for iftar somewhere at Teck Whye and it was such a good meet up session. Sometimes when you haven't seen someone for so long, their presence alone is enough to make you happy. We had butter prawns, black pepper beef, hot plate bean curd, baby squid (yuummm) and seafood fried rice. Ahhh food, how I love you. Caught Final Destination 5 which ended up to be a waste of money but I still had the loveliest time. It's always nice catching up with old friends.

School in a few hours. Feeling a little blue. Gn.

Obsessed

2011-08-28T04:32:00.001+08:00

Currently loving: perfect ponytails, word tattoos, ear piercings, studs, tall buildings, iced tea (the one at Mr Teh Tarik is sooo good).
Am so tempted to get another piercing.

(Pictures from various tumblrs)

G.O.W

2011-08-21T12:56:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday, Miss girlonwrecked! I can't believe we've known each other for almost five years. One thing I'm always thankful for is that we're still in touch even after going our separate ways after secondary school and entering different tertiaries. You really are like a twin sister I never had. Mus can be our older sister and Mallie can be the youngest. We should hang out again like the old times. Going to the supermarket and taking one big trolley when all we really needed was a couple of items, going to the highest level of a flat just to take pictures... Haha. I love you. Let's go to ASH again one of these days and just talk about nothing for hours.

Here's to being 18!!! We are forever young x

2011-08-20T12:24:00.001+08:00

How do you feel about being dead? Said one to the other
How do you feel about being lonely? Said one to the other

Iftar

2011-08-20T03:02:00.003+08:00

Met the secondary school classmates after quite a long time for iftar on Thursday. For keeps! Pictures stolen from Ikaa.

2011-08-18T02:09:00.002+08:00

Heavy hearts lonely hearts

2011-08-13T00:56:00.002+08:00

Currently listening to Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved. X

There's something about you

2011-08-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

Well it's hard to live / It's hard to live in the city / Yes it's hard to live / it's hard to live in the city / I've been following you for blocks / And I wish that you would stop and tell me your name / But I couldn't understand what you told me as you ran away / So just lay your hair down low, don't let anybody know that / it's hard to live it's hard to live in the city

I want to belong to you

2011-08-05T01:12:00.003+08:00

Taking a walk down Ann Siang Hill was quite a charming experience. Colourful quaint buildings lined the road, decorated with splashes of quirky textures. It's like Haji Lane, only calmer and cleaner. Everything was serene and beautiful and it sort of made me visualize myself (and my future boyfriend or husband hehe snorts) opening my own café, serving the finest coffee and most delicious cupcakes. The interior would be minimal and mostly white, and there would be a corner where I'd place a bookshelf which will most probably be filled up with Haruki Murakami. I'd play sad love songs and only hire attractive male workers hehehehe. Oh well, a girl can dream, right?

Anyway everyone should visit this place sometime, and while you're there, don't forget to go to Oakham Market. Walking into their shop was like stumbling into a treasure box and I am definitely-most-certain-very-positive that I'd be making another trip there soon. Love! Ooohh and yes I chopped my hair off....

DON'T HIDE YOUR EYES

2011-07-31T01:30:00.000+08:00

I feel sad. Out of sorts. But mostly sad.
Like there's a part of me feeling really contented, almost happy, and then there's that other part. The one which finds it hard to wake up and get out of bed. Sleeps endlessly -- which is a good and cheap getaway. There's so much going on in my life lately and I am tired. There are so many things that I let myself dwell on that it becomes so mentally taxing and I am exhausted and worn out and I don't want to think anymore. But it's right there at the back of my head and it won't let me go so I let myself be consumed with these thoughts which, in the end, won't matter at all. Because everything that comes across my mind are just fragments of wishful thinking and the worst part is I know that they will all turn into nothing but dust and I am afraid and scared and for once in my my life I refuse to let that happen.

I've waited all my life
If not now, when will I?

This is 2 months late but

2011-07-30T23:35:00.000+08:00

So thankful I have these people in my life. X

2011-07-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

Hahahahaha idiots

2011-07-11T03:47:00.002+08:00

My heart is yours

2011-06-26T05:12:00.000+08:00

We are pretty much useless when it comes to surprising people for their birthdays, but it was still a nice day and the four of us finally got to meet each other. I love you girls xx

★

2011-06-15T04:40:00.004+08:00

if i am lost for a day, try to find me
but if i don't come back, then i won't look behind me
all of the things that i thought were so easy
just got harder and harder each day

2011-05-30T07:08:00.000+08:00

I am so fucking hungry
I want to eat Food Culture's $6 Korean BBQ Beef right now
It's 7:07 AM

Birthday

2011-05-18T19:35:00.000+08:00

Blessed. X

18

2011-05-16T01:08:00.000+08:00

Dear self, happy 18th. I've always believed that age is just a number, but now that I have officially turned one year older and finally legal, it feels kind of surreal and empty at the same time. It's like you're leaving your childhood and teenage years all at the same time, suddenly faced with this huge responsibility and you're expected to have a different sense of maturity. Scary how time flies so fast. Scary how adjustments have to be made to the things you're already so used to, the things you know by heart, just because of a number. Huh.

This all sounds way more serious than I intended it to be haha. So here's to happiness! That is all I'm wishing for this year and the years to come. X

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS SINGAPORE

2011-05-15T00:08:00.001+08:00

I love a good adrenaline rush. The feeling when you're 139 feet up in the air with the wind blowing in your face so hard, messing your hair, throwing your body in all directions like a ragdoll, knocking the air out of your lungs.. By the end of the ride, my body turned so limp and my head felt like it was going to explode. It's pretty much the best feeling ever. The day started off on a horrible note though. As soon as we reached we were greeted by the rain. Of all days. Thank god the skies cleared up soon after. We proceeded to take our first ride which was the Battestar Galactica, which basically is the scariest ride out of all, followed by the Revenge of the Mummy straight after. We're insane and I love it.

Have got to be one of the better days in weeks.

2011-05-09T23:46:00.000+08:00

We are all just one huge mass of human-shaped nothingness.

Bits

2011-04-03T18:20:00.000+08:00

crappily painted nails, belang, water

2011-04-02T02:25:00.000+08:00

I used to hate taking medicine
but now I appreciate the fact that it lulls me to sleep

The Ombre / Dip Dye Hair

2011-04-01T17:11:00.002+08:00

(1, 2: Abbey Lee Kershaw, 4: Peaches, 6: Rumi Neely)
I am SO tempted to try this out. I've always had long hair and as much as I love my locks, sometimes I just feel so bored of it. The number of times I've dyed my hair is more than I can count, but they've all been really safe colours, mostly different shades of brown. Right now I kinda want to do something crazy - alright, not really crazy because everyone knows how much I LOVE my hair - like dyeing it fire red or dip it pink or blue. So many fun and quirky ideas in my head but I know I'll never get to it. Someone get me to do it!

2011-03-25T15:03:00.002+08:00

"A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other... maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever."

— Dave Matthews

2011-03-22T00:55:00.000+08:00

Sometimes at night I think about stupid things. I think about sad things. I think about how you and I. How you and I shouldn't have crossed paths. How I shouldn't have let go of my heart so easily. How you should have come with a warning.

My heart is tired. This fatigue comes and pours over me like a heavy rainstorm, tears like the big fat drops of rain and all of these unsettling emotions rippling through me like the loud frightening storm. The fights are growing and I am getting weaker.

2011-03-18T18:49:00.002+08:00

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too

Hello love

2011-03-04T23:52:00.002+08:00

Thursday was Indian food for a very fulfilling dinner, lazy conversations at 3 in the morning at the airport, Caramel coffee ice blended and bagel at Coffee Bean, saying goodbye to Sabby who's probably a few hours away from London now... Mac's hotcakes at 5, catching up on sleep on our ride back home in the train. It was nearly 8AM when I reached home. All in all, a day well spent.

Oh and I love how looong my hair looks in this set of pictures teehee.

2011-03-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

I've become so scared of myself. Of what I'm capable to think of, of my mind, of everything that has taken over my life and reduced me to what I've become. I am so scared of losing myself.

Flyer

2011-02-25T05:50:00.000+08:00

2011-02-23T19:01:00.000+08:00

1. Webcam makes me look slimmer than I really, really am
2. Miko baby is curled on my chest as I'm typing. Sound asleep.
3. I miss my hair someone chop off my fingers why why why grow hair grow

Born this way

2011-02-12T00:15:00.000+08:00

Love.

and i...

2011-02-07T21:01:00.000+08:00

you don't want me, no
you don't need me
like i want you, oh
like i need you

Remains

2011-01-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

From last year.

This year I've been trying to venture out of my comfortable space and widening my range of reading as well as music. I've never really limited my choices of music and the truth is, I listen to just about everything. Britney, M83, K-pop, whatever. And reading... I like literature. I actually wanted to take up literature as one of my subjects during my last year of secondary school but there were too little people who signed up for it so as a result of the huge number of vacancies, they canceled it. Sad... And I digress, of course. Things have been stale lately and I still feel the same but hopefully everything will pick up soon.

2011-01-13T20:47:00.005+08:00

I was early for school today, took the 0735 bus instead of the 0745 one and hopped onto the train one train too early I guess. I reached Dhoby Ghaut at exactly 0837 so I took my own sweet time to walk to school. It's a long 5 minutes walk whenever I'm late, but today 5 minutes seem too short. My footsteps fell behind the other moving strangers. I was the only one standing, waiting for the green light to appear when the others have passed by me ever so quickly.

Class ended at 1300. Walked the same path again with B and again we pass the hotel, pass 7-11, pass the food court and crossed the same road again. She goes off first and I'm left to walk by myself to the train station. My only companion is the iPod. I keep looping Maria Mena, Jason Mraz, and Saosin these days. They're strangely calming. I took a train and after a couple of stops, I decided that maybe I took the wrong one and alighted at Raffles Place. I sat at the metal bench and watched people scurrying to catch the train before the door closes. I did this for quite some time. A few trains went by. Then I stood up, turned up the volume of my music, and headed to the opposite direction. The right one.

So empty

2011-01-09T23:17:00.001+08:00

"While they like to talk everything through, to analyze and hypothesize, what I really need, what I’m really looking for, is not something I can articulate. It’s nonverbal: I need love. I need the thing that happens when your brain shuts off and your heart turns on."

— Elizabeth Wurtzel

Sometimes I feel so tired and lonely... but then I think about the littlest things in life - cuddling with my cats on the bed, walking in the rain, meals with the family, slipping my feet into a new pair of shoes, hugs, conversations that last until the next morning -

And then I don't feel... alone anymore. Goodnight beautiful people.

Hello 2011

2011-01-02T12:24:00.000+08:00

First day of the new year with the girl I've missed a lot. Also I'm back to dark hair!

Farewell 2010

2010-12-31T23:51:00.016+08:00

Here's hoping for an amazing 2011. Happy new year, everyone!

2010-12-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

My hair is fading to this disgusting shade of brown
It is no longer bright... just dull and ugly.

I just.
Wonder.
What it's like to be important.

If it's a broken heart then face it

2010-12-19T02:15:00.002+08:00

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

BURGERS

2010-12-13T00:18:00.000+08:00

This looks like it belongs to thisiswhyyourefat.com ha

Bored people doing boring things

2010-12-06T03:35:00.001+08:00

This has been my wallpaper for about half a year. I'm not used to changes, I guess...

I tattooed your name on my tongue

2010-11-14T02:27:00.002+08:00

Today it rained a little before I headed out so I lied on the bed and seek refuge in the cold. I love rainy days because it keeps me at peace, keeps me calm. Today I shaved and accidentally cut myself. It doesn't happen as frequently as before, but it still does because I am clumsy and I don't really know how to handle sharp objects and I'm always in a hurry. Today I got ready right on the dot at 0730 but the bus left me so I was late. It rained again. Today I met my best friend and we had Burger King for dinner instead of Wendy's and talked for long hours while nibbling on fries and I swear I won't ever eat another BBQ Turkey Bacon burger ever again (too much of that during school), grabbed a cup of Frolicks and sat down in the middle of a mall and talked some more. We ended up missing the train and bus so we took a taxi home. The taxi driver was quirky and he kept singing old country songs and he had a cowboy hat on and it was a pleasant ride. He asked me to pay $22 instead of $22.20. He was really nice.

There is nothing better

2010-11-04T23:46:00.000+08:00

2010-10-26T03:04:00.002+08:00

I have really ugly teef

2010-10-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

COFFEE & CIGARETTES

2010-10-20T00:48:00.001+08:00

By bamsesayaka, EYLUL ASLAN, Hannah.

101010 ♡

2010-10-10T20:55:00.005+08:00

I didn't think getting lost in tiny, tiny Singapore was even possible but it happened. Our original destination of the day was Marina Barrage but we ended up at town... Oh well, it was still a lovely camaraderie with Mus and Sabby. I was so horribly under-dressed. Had originally planned to wear my little black dress and denim jacket but the painfully unbearable weather made it impossible.

It looks like one of my legs is darker than the other haha

Have a good week ahead everybody x

2010-10-09T03:18:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I get into a really deep sleep, peaceful and tranquil and absolutely still. It’s one of those sleeps that makes me really not want to wake up and face the world. The cold world where it holds nothing in store for me and no place for me to stand.

My Day

2010-10-05T14:56:00.001+08:00

Today I was marked absent for my music class even though I was there. The school's system is so fucked up -- students will be marked late if they're late by 10 minutes or more. And luck was not on my side because my lecturer for today's class does not let us get away easily, so there. My attendance has not been looking good lately because of my punctuality disorder... it just keeps on getting worse. And then I was hanging out at the foyer and I saw my lecturer walking by so I smiled (by instinct I guess) and he returned it, genuinely (he hardly ever). What a weird person.

Today also suck partly because of my forgetfulness. I only came to realization that I do not have my keys when I was in the elevator... And no one was at home. Called mama, asked me to get them from my sister at her school, went all the way there and back, sweating like a pig. It was a good exercise.

So that was 1/2 of my day for you. I am uninteresting and boring and nobody likes me!!! Goodbye I'm going to sleep my life away

Life in (amateur) visuals

2010-09-22T20:28:00.000+08:00

First of all...

Selamat Hari Raya! I am late as hell but it's okay. And yeah, my sister wears more make-up than I do.

New shelf for my CDs and what not so that they won't collect dust under my bed anymore.

Miko, the one who sleeps under my armpit every night. Mom told me she had one of her legs on my butt the other night. Teeheehee

Helped Mus with her hair a few days before Raya and got my roots touched up.

Fried Mars Bars. Fried bite-sized Mars bars dipped in batter with a side of chocolate ice-cream covered in Hershey's chocolate syrup. Wipe your drool off.

Yum tum tum

Random snaps

2010-09-05T04:31:00.004+08:00

Old and new pictures... They're all jumbled up. There's a picture of Sohee (Wonder Girls) I took a few months ago when they were in Singapore, some magazine cutout, my ever expanding collection of nail polish...

If I wish hard enough... Would you become my reality?

Death

2010-08-25T22:01:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I dreamt of dying. It was quite a strange feeling. I was lying on a bed, white in the face. The tips of my fingers were numb, cold, blue. I was losing all my senses. Can't feel. I was desperately breathing, trying so hard to hold onto something, anything, to keep me alive. Gradually my breathing slowed down and my insides started to hollow out... Five four three two... one I breathed my last.

When people dream about death, does that mean anything? Good ol' Google told me that "dreams of death represent the ending of one phase so that a new one can begin." Also this:

"The dead person may be you, even though its image within the dream takes on characteristics of other persons or other things. The message may be that your old self needs to be left behind. This may mean you must stop carrying around with you the crippling burden of your past (irrational guilt-feelings or other negative self programming); and, instead, you must open yourself to what the present moment is offering. Alternatively, the 'old self' may be old attachments, habits, ambitions, values, goals; in which case the dream is telling you that the only way forward for you lies through giving these up and looking deeper within yourself for better values, etc. (where better means more in tune with your real self)."

Bullshit? Or maybe this is true in some ways. I mean, I do have a lot of negativity inside of me and I'm more of a pessimistic person than optimistic but it's just me being realistic I would like to believe. I dunno..

Anyway school assignments are piling up! My classmates are freaking out and here I am, wondering about things that hold absolutely no meaning and eating ice-cream (Cookies & Cream -- my fave!) and getting fat hahaha Life...

My childhood hero(ine).

2010-08-21T03:06:00.000+08:00

She fucked up, but I love her still.

2010-07-29T00:06:00.001+08:00

i belong to here where
no one cares and no one loves
no light no air to live in
a place called hate
the city of fear

Too fast to live too young to die

2010-07-15T01:07:00.001+08:00

Toy Story 3

2010-06-28T01:56:00.000+08:00

Watched Toy Story 3 the other day with the Momsie and little sis. Even though I was pretty restless most of the time because I had to rush off somewhere, I must say I really, really liked it. It took me back to my childhood days and it reminded me of how I will forever be a kid at heart because I tend to enjoy these kind of movies too much. My favourite character is Rex! He is so squishy. The ending is lovely. Unexpected, but perfect.

Oh, and the three of us started the day off with breakfast at Long John's Silver. It's been a while since I went out with the family so I appreciated it. Probably since family bonding time no longer comes frequently these days.

Seventeen.

2010-06-21T16:29:00.002+08:00

Overdue pictures from Mus' suprise birthday party! Which failed. Sighs. Nevertheless I hope you enjoyed eating the cake which Sabby and I made with layers and layers of love. X

Floating on air

2010-06-04T07:16:00.001+08:00

My sleeping habits have subconsciously crawled back to the way it was it seems. I've been sleeping at 7 in the morning and waking up at 5 in the afternoon. Sometimes I sleep for three hours. Sometimes I survive on no sleep at all. It doesn't matter, I think. I haven't got any priorities as of the moment and no responsibilities to fulfill. It's already June now. Scary how time flies so fast.

This is Nichkhun

2010-05-29T09:34:00.004+08:00

Yes, I know my blog entries have been getting more stale and less substantial lately but I blame it on my lack of social life. But as long as there's eye-candy, you should not complain really...

Why does he have to look good in everything. Even in that ridiculous shade of blonde, he's still pretty much perfection. Flawless. Stunning. Beautiful. God is unfair.

And uh, just putting it out here: I tweet and tumble! Follow me if you want to.

Snaps

2010-05-12T22:53:00.001+08:00

I enjoy taking pictures. Not because I'm some pretentious kid walking around with a huge DSLR hanging from my neck or those people who think a good quality picture with a thousand of exclusion layers and insane amounts of Photoshop = good photography (see Tumblr). I just do. I like capturing even the most normal everyday kind of things, like lunch or a messy wardrobe. Sabby's Nikon D60 is with me right now, with the initial purpose of making a selling post. But I got carried away, and this is the result of my absurd levels of boredom and just, well, me being random ol' me.

That first picture is my own version of calendar from my journal, but I forgot all about it which explains the abrupt end at the 2nd. We're almost at the middle of the month now - gotta update it. Busy busy busy!

Heal me.

2010-04-13T00:52:00.002+08:00

When I woke my body was dyin' all over the floor
I felt apathy and hate infestin' my bones
Wake up you've got a lot of things to do
Wake up the sun is rising without you

Garters and lace

2010-04-07T23:39:00.003+08:00

Feeling rather inspired after reading Song of Style and fashiontoast... Rumi Neely has always been a source of inspiration to me because of her impeccable ability to look so good when all she does is throw on a few basic pieces, put on some of the most amazing accessories and complete her looks off with a pair of lush wedges. I want to raid her wardrobe and live in her shoe rack if she has one. Sighs. I've also recently come to discover another fashion blogger who I deem as one of my favourites now, Aimee Song. Her outfits are adorable and all but I just really like her photoshoots! I love looking at her, she's so pretty. So after reading this and this, I've been dying to get garters. And knee highs. No idea where to get them though. I keep thinking of inappropriate places, teehee.

Okay, going to continue with Skins! Cassie is my favourite.

Thoughts

2010-04-02T18:02:00.002+08:00

The heart is such a bizarre thing, and so are emotions. Lately I've been feeling all sorts of things but haven't been able to put a finger on what this turmoil inside of me is supposed to be. Is it sadness? I would not like to think so because I've been spending most of my time lately with the loved ones and it leaves me feeling contented more than anything. Happiness? Then why do I still lie in bed and fight the urge to cry when it's nothing at all, just the same old distant feeling that keeps recurring, that never leaves me alone. It's tiring to manage all of me alone. I can never have the time to tend to my own needs, much less other people's. Maybe sometimes I just need that one person to hold on to - someone who won't waltz in and out of my life as they like it. Or another possibility is that maybe I'm damned to inflict pain on people once they've gotten a little too close to me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2010-03-31T21:45:00.001+08:00

and when i fall

2010-03-19T00:30:00.004+08:00

Rainy Thursday. Today was lovely. Spaghetti and brownies half-assedly made by me and Sabby for dinner. In a less than a month, everyone's going to start school and I'm sad because we haven't even got half of the things on our To Do List done. Sighs.

Song of the day

2010-03-17T01:33:00.001+08:00

Random

2010-03-08T00:14:00.006+08:00

2010-03-02T01:31:00.003+08:00

Darling behave, though the barnyard won’t say where he’s gone
I feel you would sing if the orchard let on what went wrong
Summer comes, yeah, as loud as hope and takes your breath away
Winter takes what the summer had to say

2010-02-22T01:27:00.002+08:00

Lisa: You know, there's too many buttons in the world. There's too many buttons and they're just -- there's way too many just begging to be pressed, they're just begging to be pressed, you know? They're just -- they're just begging to be pressed, and it makes me wonder, it really makes me fucking wonder, why doesn't anyone ever press mine? Why am I so neglected? Why doesn't anyone reach in and rip out the truth and tell me that I'm a fucking whore, or that my parents wish I were dead?

Susanna: Because you're dead already, Lisa.

Made of glitter and we'll paint the town red

2010-02-10T22:47:00.007+08:00

I love you and tomorrow's going to be good even though I have no idea what to wear! X

a dreamer, someone completely out of touch with reality

2010-02-10T04:58:00.007+08:00

I've been mistaken for a Chinese a quarter of my life, sometimes mixed, Filipino twice. This amuses me greatly I don't even. I have been watching films from the '90s and sleeping at five in the morning and waking up late. I had a haircut few days back and nobody noticed the difference. I am tired. It's time for me to go to bed. X

Broken

2010-01-25T19:31:00.004+08:00

when you try your best but you don't succeed
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
stuck in reverse

and the tears come streaming down your face
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

and high up above earth or down below
when you're too in love to let it go
but if you never try you'll never know
just what you're worth

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

tears stream, down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
tears stream down your face and i ...

tears stream, down your face
i promise you i will learn from my mistakes
tears stream down your face and i ...

lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and i will try to fix you

X

Meow

2010-01-19T14:25:00.005+08:00

Running all the red lights

2010-01-08T20:26:00.012+08:00

Thursday was officially the last day of work for me. Right now I am a free birdie, plentiful of time on my hands and no longer constricted. I've got a feeling that I'm going to fall back into my old habits of staying up until six in the morning and blank out until late afternoon... Lazy pig. Friday was a nice girl affair with Sabby. Missed her.

Workmates!

Time check: 3:22AM .... BED!!! X

Happy new year, lovers

2009-12-31T23:41:00.003+08:00

Work has been consuming my life but I thought I'd greet whoever who reads this dusty blog of mine. It has been a long year, a rollercoaster ride which I'll never take again. Time to bid farewell now.

Goodbye 2009.

2010, please be good to me.

Can you feel my heart beat?

2009-12-30T00:54:00.004+08:00

A friend of mine told me how she was deeply in love with a boy. So much that she cried until her eyes bruised, too much until she collapsed when they separated. I told her I have never felt that kind of pain before, never really liked someone until I would cry or die for him. Sure, I've had a few crushes along the way and fell in and out of what I would call infatuation - because Love is too strong of a word for me to use at this moment. She said I would experience this feeling when sooner or later and now I'm left pondering. What would it be like to Like someone so much, to have someone telling you that he loves you everyday before bed, someone to talk to late at night until dawn, until the morning rises. How heartache feels like. How badly it hurts.

Enough of that. So today has been another one of those days where all I felt like doing was to curl into a fetal position and do nothing at all. Where I woke up in the morning and felt like crap, felt like the hours have gone by too fast. Met Sab for a while for brunch and realized how much I've missed her. Work was a drag, but that's nothing new. Fuck that shit.

...
Sometimes in the morning when you wake, don't you have this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach and the urge to cry? It's been a while but I still can't get over it.

091212 SEOUL'D OUT

2009-12-21T13:47:00.010+08:00

Overdue, but:

Did not plan to go initially but who could pass up free tickets, right? Teehee. I am too much of a lazy pig to write a fan account. That, I will post in my livejournal. Mario was fantastic and I've found a new love for him, Shinae's voice is beautiful, Lee Ji Soo is adorably awkward, there's a Poppin' Q lookalike in Jinjjo Crew, T-Max is awesome and they all look ten times more gorgeous in real life than on screen, FTI was great and Brown Eyed Girls fucking stole the show. I loved it.

----
I've been so consumed with work these days that I barely have the time for myself. I don't enjoy work as much as I thought I would, but it's okay since the people around me are really, really nice. Write more soon.

Could we fix you if you broke?

2009-12-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

The rats have fled but I'm hanging on

2009-12-05T16:48:00.005+08:00

Hahaha this is on purpose hahaha Aizattttt

BBQ with the usuals on a rainy day. How appropriate. Had originally planned to hole myself up in the house but I figured some sunshine and fresh air might be good for me. The heavy downpour was unexpected. So yeah, there we were. Hair sticking to our faces, shirts drenched, numb, whining our cold asses off until the rain stopped. Turned in early yesterday and woke up early today. Full 8 hours of sleep feels good.

I miss J. I still think about you, nincompoop.

Meow!

2009-12-03T20:03:00.005+08:00

Say hello to the newest addition to my family! Her name is Mika and she's got such pretty big blue eyes. I'd like her a tad more if she's not so noisy, haha.

This week has been rather, for the lack of a better word, mundane. The first two days was lazing around at home, being a couch potato and refusing to get off the laptop. Tried to hunt for a job but nobody wants me ): Dyed my hair and opted for red but came out looking more brown than red and they're like patches here and there and my hair still reeks of effing hair dye!! Sighs. Caught New Moon today with S and it was alright. Two hours freezing in the theater, my feet cold to the bones. Whenever Edward or Jacob appears the audience will either shriek or giggle and it's amusing because I don't find either of them attractive... Just that Jacob has a better body...

Don't know if I want to go out tomorrow! Being broke and having no clothes to wear sucks. I haven't shopped for so long. Also it's time to get a new phone~

All the boys and the girls

2009-11-28T11:15:00.013+08:00

Picture credits to Sabby, Rym, and a bunch of other people... Heh

Prom was alright. Nothing like what I had expected, but it was still nice to see the others and mingle around. Funny how four years ago we had all been strangers, scared to look at each other straight in the eye, worried that the words uttered might have tainted our first impressions. I still remember the people I have been with since Secondary One all the way to Four. Crazy how we've all changed so much, how things turned out. I swear my face felt like it was going to rip into two because of all the smiling I had to do for the cameras. Went back home at four in the morning, feet bruised after dancing the night away.. Walked barefooted, heels in hand, crashed as soon as I hit the bed.

Going to start looking for a job soon 'cause there's nothing to do at home and i'm just piling on the kilos. I'm bored to death.

What should I do with my hair?

2009-11-26T18:18:00.003+08:00

Curl it? Dye it blonde? Black? Pink? Red (am giving this major contemplation actually)? Blue? Chop it all off? Bangs? Hmm

Be crazy, can't let you go

2009-11-25T19:11:00.007+08:00

And so we got on the tram and sang to random songs to our hearts' content, creating a ruckus but not really giving much of a damn. The 12 of us took up one whole tram, haha. Down down we gotta get down~

In celebration of RC's first year anniversary, Diyana and Hajar's birthdays (I love you two oldies!), and greater things to come. The cake was too chocolatey, couldn't finish it.

Diyana, why are you so cute ): PINCHES!

Q made me her guinea pig and messed around with my hair. She gave me braids - Tiffany style! I like it, so pretty. Too bad my forehead is huge as hell.

The end. I love my R.Crew. Gokusen movie outing next! And be back later to upload pictures taken during prom. It was awesome, but I honestly felt like I looked horrible. Whatever, it's done! I'm never going to wear heels ever again.

Did you get my sign?

2009-11-23T01:50:00.006+08:00

This was last week, shopped with the girls for prom schtuffs and ended up buying accessories. Not looking my best, but whatever. Hm, grad night is tomorrow but I'm not feeling it. If you asked me about it last week, I would've been ten times more psyched but now that it's a day away... My dress is still not here (pissed off because the tailor still can't get it right after two alterations) and my heels seem kind of wonky. And come to think of it, my dress might be a little too over the top. Have no idea what to do with my hair but I finally got the tangles out after not combing it for a period of time. Hurhur. No idea what to do with my face as well. And isn't it great, I'm going through that horrible I-Feel-Fat phase right now.

Have a feeling I'm going to turn up as the ugliest girl there T_T.

Daul Kim

2009-11-20T03:51:00.006+08:00

Rest in peace, beautiful

Not that I don’t like you, I’m just at a party

2009-11-20T01:06:00.008+08:00

Sleepover party gone wrong. Laptop fucked us over, too scared to watch horror movies, ice-cream melted even before anything, Pringles finished by me alone kekeke, bad manicure and pedicure, was too tired to function!

P.S. I've finally found my perfect pair of shoes for prom but my heart is still aching over the loss of my dream shoes hahaha. It's okay though, because the pair which I've just purchased is somewhat a replica of it, only laced-up. And it's suede! I like it very much. Heehee. And ah I should really stop eating like a pig.

P.P.S. Lady Gaga's new album is. the. SHIT.